I'm laughing inside now...at myself, figure that gives me internal bleeding or something. The thing is...my main blog has gone to crap now and there is no reason for anyone to be reading it because i don't write anything there anymore. I can't even start on how much that frustrates me. But everything i wanna say now are not for the prying eyes and ears of parents, relatives and semi-close friends. And to doodle on that blog would be just another attempt to please the public. (Gosh! Don't i ever get bored of complaining about the over publicizing of my blog...guess it relly bothers me...i want my blog freedom back!)

So crappy inside now that I feel like a whore. There are so many thoughts that I shouldn't be entertaining. And I need to tell somebody! Get it out of my system. so in that absence, this THING I'm writing now is the best other alternative. I want that easy access to my bestest friend back now. But being like on the other side of the world from her makes that too expensive a luxury than my miserable allowance will allow. So that makes me miserable.

Living away from my parents has reallie been a blast. Slowly becoming an american, all that freedom to do whatever i please, not having to tell anyone what bloody time i'll be back...it's all so great i'm starting to feel like a big fat sinner for exploiting it. First I'm learning how to drive in this scary country without telling my parents, then drinking like idiot, and all those crazy things. But again it's soooo long since i've seen them, my parents and brother, it's just so wierd...on the one hand they are the most important people in my life, on the other I'm getting along fine right now I'm not reallie missing them terribly...i don't know how i got so desensitized. I think i'm starting to change into something i'm remotely afraid of. Am I getting amoral? I don't know, but this certainly feels like it. I scared, i can't even play with my words now, I'm not reallie thinking.

Then there are these boys. I'm obsessively infatuated to a point of stoopidity with one and crazy jelous of another. Maybe I'm just a selfish brat who can't make up her mind, is spiteful, and can't really like anybody in particular.

I wanna get back on track. Work's not going well or else I wouldn't BE in this messed up state I'm in.  ¶ 9:48 PM 0 comments

  A new post on this blog is not a very good sign i guess, it's where all the bad stuff comes. It's like the garbage list. I've gotta have done something naughty or thought something nasty to actually make it here. Well the main blog is too goody two shoes and it stinks up the sky.

So this week i've got a couple of unsavoury stuff too add. Harpos yesterday again. This time i went alone with the koreans and Ben. Not good. I got too stupidly drunk for my own good. When you've so bloated and about to puke you can't open your mouth to talk or do anything else excpet feel miserable, that mean you're over the top man. But silly enough you just keep drinking. Gosh i really felt like it's all coming up at one point of time but got better just standing up and walkin around in the cold outside. haha normaly i wouldn't even go out without my full gear, yesterday i just dashed out in like a shirt, in case i seriously puke inside that's gonna stink, literally.

yeah so we were playing quarters again and i was getting way too much. some stupid ang moh tried to weedle their way into our table and get chummy wif us and wth, i couldn't even think properly, so watever. But what is really not cool is when someone (no names) tried ter get a lil closer than just huggin. And another jerk tried to kiss me in the lift while we were alone. Get off me idiot. Gees, everytime i think about it today i feel my stomach turn a full circle, and i'm not making it up. It just gets me sick. some guys are jerks. i hate those. Luckily i could push the bastard away.(in fact i can still think despite being so coked)

that's that, there are still some pretty clean and decent caucasian guys around. we got pretty well acquainted with some chaps and they all seem like good people. one even offered to send me to work in the morning when i can't get a ride from my colleagues. It stinks to have to car pool everyday cos it's like oweing everybody at the station a favour by the end of it all.

there were some pretty cute guys at the station. ok dun get distracted.

i can't think of a good end...so...that's all folks  ¶ 10:47 PM 0 comments